Am I dreaming....or....has the dream come true?!...

This is part 2 of Jman's story. See the post below if you missed part 1 first!

Well, the drive from Dallas to San Antonio is not a short one! That day, it felt like the longest drive of our lives!! We were going to meet our son!

We drove straight to Methodist Hospital as soon as we got to town. Our SW wouldn't be back there until the next day however, she'd made all the arrangements with the hospital staff. We were clearanced as this baby parents, with all access to seeing him, holding and feeding him, etc.

As the nurse walked us back to the NICU, it had to be the most surreal thing either Coach or I had ever experienced! All the years of testing, proding, probing, surgeries, medications, negative tests, depression, rivers of tears, etc., etc., suddenly faded and did not matter when we saw that baby!!! We knew in a way that we can't explain that he was the baby God had planned for us from the beginning of time! We just never knew how he would get to us, or when but, suddenly, there he was!!

We both cried as we saw the most beautiful baby boy laying there! My arms had ached for years to hold him! Immediately, the nurse prepared us with gloves, robes, etc. so that we could officially begin bonding with our baby!

Here is our first family picture!! The NICU nurse took this for us with her instant Polariod camera! (It's not the best quality reproducing it here!)

I'm not sure how long we stayed there that day. We each held and rocked and fed him for some time. Leaving without him was the hardest thing ever! Not sure if you can see the little shunt in his head. That is where he was receiving the antibiotics for the food bacteria poinsoning. He was doing well and the plan was to send him home the next day, Thursday.

We managed to leave and had to find somewhere to stay for the night! We had no reservations, just stopped at hotels closest to the hospital. We found one, checked in and then realized, we were hungry! We had a great meal at Red Lobster, still in a fog over what was happening and how quickly it seemed to have happened! After we ate, we found the nearest mall. We had to get something for our son to wear home the next day!

Back at the hotel, it was time to call our families!!!!

(A little backstory here: A month and a half prior, we'd experienced a disrupted adoption plan. We had been in a match with a young girl, S. For nearly two months, we'd met with her twice, talked to her on the phone often, and received sonogram pictures and dr. appointment updates from her. She had chosen us to adopt her baby who would be born in September 1999. S changed her mind and could not place her baby once he got there. The heartbreak and devistation of that time is another story....not to take from the joy of this one! I mention it here because that is why we chose not to tell our families until we knew that we knew for certain we were on our way home with our baby!)

We had the best time calling each set of new grandparents and each of our siblings!! What a night of rejoicing long distance on the phone that was!!! I remember my Dad, and the concern that he had for me as to whether or not this was a for sure, certain, done deal. I knew that he did not want to see me as broken as I had been a short month before. I assured him with all I could that we were bringing this baby home to his forever family!

Again, could we have slept that night?!! I don't know how?!! The next morning, our SW had flown back in and we went to the airport to get her and then to meet our son's birth family! Jman's birth mother had still been visiting him at the hospital even after her discharge. We did not see or meet her there. As we were on our way to the paternal grandparents home, I was full of mixed emotions.

Would she be there? Would we get to meet her, hug her, try and find the words to comfort her and thank her at the same time for this most unbelievable gift?! Would I be able to face her? Knowing that my joy was causing her so much pain? How could I possibly do that?

Well, she wasn't there. She lived nearby however, she said that she just wasn't emotionally able to come and see us and meet us. So, there would be no awkward, yet comforting moments between us. There would be no placement ceremony. There would be no assurrance from her and the affirmation of entitlement that was needed, giving us 'permission' to take him and be his parents!

We met Jman's birth grandmother, M, and his birth grandfather, E, and his sweet big sister, H, who was 3 at the time. She was so sad and confused. She didn't understand who we were and why we were there to take her baby brother!

Our time with them was truly amazing! What godly people! We immediately had a love for them, those that shared blood and heritage with this new life we'd been given. They witnessed the signing of our placement papers!! We gained the approval and permission that we needed to feel entitled to this child. (Unless you've adopted, I don't know how to explain that. There is something at the core of everyone that says, "It's not 'right' to 'take' someone else's child. Adoptive parents need affirmation in knowing that they have been chosen and that it's OK to have this child. Many in open adoptions receive that from the birth mother however, we hadn't gotten that yet from her.)

We were there for some time. Our visit and the things we learned are so vital to Jman's story. The things that his grandmother M would share with us absolutely confirmed God's hand in this whole placement and process! That will be the next installment in the story!!

We returned to the hospital that afternoon with our stork, see her hands to the left of the pciture! It was quite a process, getting him ready to discharge! Lots more papers to sign and complete! And, we had to wait on his little 'snipping' procedure!

After what seemed like forever, they were wheeling me out with him in my arms!! I was told delivery or not, every new mom must ride a wheelchair out! I felt so special and so wonderful! It was so amazing that everyone was treating like I was this baby's mother! It was all beginning to slowly sink in and become real to me!

We again dropped C, our SW, off at the airport, so she could take the quick flight home to Dallas! Then, we began our LONG drive back that way!! It had to have been 10 times longer that way! We were so worried and concerned about little Jman! He was sooo tiny in that carseat at 5lbs. 7 ounces!! Was he safe? Was he comfortable? What was that sound he made? Is everything alright? Does he need anything? Pull over at the store! We have to change him! We have to feed him! It was late and dark by the time we pulled up in front of our nice new house, with our new baby!!!!! Here is a picture of his first night home, settled in his bassinet!

Well, my writings here just don't seem to do this miracle story justice! It's hard to include all the detail and all the emotion however, many of you are moms reading this, you know how I was feeling! God had given me an incredibly strong desire to be a mother and for so long, that desire went unfulfilled. The second I held Jman, I was complete! To this day, I sometimes wonder, how would our connection be different had I carried him? How would/could my love be any stronger or any different. I have a dear friend, who has one 'natural' by birth daughter and two sons who were adopted. She told me, "The only difference between my children is, I got to hold and love one 9 months longer than the other two! That time is the only difference!" I have trusted that that is so true!

I can't wait to write about Jman's backstory.......the important details of how God was working in his life from the time he was conceived.........7 months or more before we would ever come in to the picture!!! Stay tuned...........it's an unbelievable testiment!!

I grew in my mom's heart and was already attached there!

Best napping buds with my dad from the start!!!

Making it official in court!!! June 12, 2000! This is the only time we saw this judge smile! We weren't sure about him during the proceedngs but, he was so happy for us!! And yes, that is little Jman sleeping through his important day!!!! He already knew who he was and where he was going to be forever so, what was the big deal?!!!